Hi everyone welcome to your Thursday coffee break and pick-me-up I’m Gretchen hi Jo and I’m so glad to have you here thanks for being a part of my shine on purpose Facebook group um you know I’m wanting to do these Facebook lives for a while now and I’ve been thinking about the right topics and I’m so happy to.
Going to kick off a four-week series all about secrets and what we’re going to be looking at.
Is the destructive ways that secrets hold you back how to define.
What a secret is how to get rid of the shame from your secret how to reveal your secret and how to live bigger.
Than your secret so as I’m talking please feel free to interact with me with typing comments or questions in the.
UM toolbar there and I will you know reply and all of that good stuff um so here’s.
The deal the first thing you should know is that everybody has.
Secrets it’s just a universal fact it’s a universal truth so you’re.
Not unique and having secrets we’ve been telling secrets since we were kids you know.
And that’s really the thing.
Now the second thing that you should know is that your secrets are affecting you not only emotionally but physically too so I want you to think about this for a minute you know what is a.
Secret well the Webster’s dictionary defines the word secret as something that’s kept or meant to be kept or unknown or unseen by others yeah right we want it to.
Be unseen by others sometimes where it says kept unknown we even.
Want to keep it cut unknown to ourselves the Urban Dictionary says that secrets are information that you tell someone that you want to have become public knowledge by morning I’ve had that.
Happen to me have you had it happen to you and the.
Other thing it says is something you’re not supposed to tell anyone but somehow it gets out regardless of who told no secret is really a secret and.
That’s just the truth you know no secret is really a secret because somebody already knows.
It we know it the person who told us know it knows it if you did it you know if you didn’t do it and you saw it if you’re holding it for somebody else but no matter how hard.
You try to keep your secret.
It’s never completely hidden and even if you think that it’s buried so deep down it’s still affecting your thoughts your actions and your view on the world confidence mystery enigma riddle surprise and my personal favorite skeletons in the closet are all synonyms of the word secret which one do you resonate with is your.
Secret an enigma was it a surprise to you when it happened does it feel like a riddle that you’re trying to solve or is your secret a skeleton in the closet you know did you seal it up and.
Put it on the top shelf hoping that you’re never gonna have to think about it again.
So here’s the deal we’ve been keeping secrets since we were kids you know we were even trained a kid to keep secrets can you remember maybe when your mom or dad would yell from the other room a what are you doing maybe you’ve been too quiet you’re with your brother or your.
Sister and you’d yell back nothing but really maybe you were cutting your sister’s hair or looking at something that you shouldn’t have been or putting on your mom’s makeup or whatever you know whatever the thing was and we all tell these.
Little lies not become secrets to keep the heat off of us so that we can get what we want it’s like a reflex and it starts out really innocent but as we evolved you know as we get older.
Our secrets become bigger they go from sticking too much Halloween candy in our mouths when our parents told us.
We could only have two pieces two you know keeping bigger secrets some of the ones that really cost shame and guilt secrets about ourselves secrets about others now no matter the secret the reasons that.
We keep them are the same even from when we were children you know we’re afraid we’re ashamed we want to be loyal we want to look good we want to be liked and we somehow intrinsically fear that.
If anyone found out what we’re hiding they’d pull away from us they might tell someone else we’d be view differently we get exposed and we’d be really vulnerable we might even be the target of like criticism or.
Judgment and that scares us and here’s the thing it’s part of the human condition to want to be loved and accepted right but the secrets we keep sometimes feel unacceptable and that makes.
Us feel unlovable and if we haven’t been able to accept our secrets or forgive ourselves.
For them and we kind of wonder how others can and so we don’t tell you know we keep them hidden I want you to think of the word for a minute secret what comes up for you when you hear it you know what is that when you hear the word secret do you feel ashamed do you feel mischievious do.
You think of that crush that maybe you had in school or do you.
Think of that silly thing that you and your best friend did or said you know when no one else was.
Listening or is it something darker deeper more sinister isn’t something you’re sad about is it something that you wish that maybe you hadn’t thought said done whatever it triggers for you know this your secrets are protecting you and we don’t always realize that you know our secrets are protecting us they’re keeping us.
Safe they’re a tool that we’ve all used to survive the human experience now of course there’s different types of Secrets there are the harmless ones that feel like fun it’s like a surprise you know that.
Sort of thing when we want to keep it hidden that 40th birthday party that somebody’s gonna celebrate and then there’s those other secrets that we keep and you know it’s the ones that we keep for others and the ones that we keep about ourselves and the things that we’ve.
Done that can really hurt us you know maybe we’re keeping a secret about an abortion maybe we’re keeping a secret about money we stole from work maybe we’re keeping a secret about cheating on someone maybe we’re keeping a secret that someone told us about cheating on someone maybe we’re keeping a secret from our spouse about what we really think maybe we’re keeping a secret from the world about our political beliefs.
Whatever those types of Secrets are those are the kinds that really hurt us you know think of how you feel when someone asks you to hold their big secret sometimes it’s an honor.